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My Mom Started Sex Trafficking Me When I Was 7 Years Old & That Wasn't Even the Worst Part

I was about 7 years old when I lost my virginity to my father. I had woken up on my mother's bed after having a nightmare and I was deeply afraid. I went searching for my mother, but she was nowhere to be found and I realized I was alone in the house. I had called my father and asked him to come over in an attempt to feel safe. When he got to my home, we went searching for her and once he realized we were truly alone, he raped me on my mother's bed. I remember freezing in fear. This was my father; I couldn't scream, I couldn't move, I was frozen in time and I felt I had no choice but to accept the violent abuse that was happening to me. After he was done, we found my mother on the porch swing passed out from a night of drinking.My Mom Started Sex Trafficking Me When I Was 7 Years Old & That Wasn't Even the Worst Part

My Mom Started Sex Trafficking Me When I Was 7 Years Old & That Wasn't Even the Worst Part

By the time I was 12 years old, the anger from it all surfaced and I began lashing out at my mother.

Even after the sexual abuse, my mother would abuse me. She would verbally abuse and shame me by brainwashing me into believing I deserved the way I was treated and that the abuse was my fault. I believed her. I internalized all of my pain and suffering because I was taught that my emotions weren't valid. I had no right to feel what I was feeling, so I internalized everything I felt. I was taught that my voice didn't deserve to be heard.