Free Press - GRAND HAVEN - A judge has ordered a western Michigan couple to pay $30,441 to their son for getting rid of his pornography collection.
U.S. District Judge Paul Maloney's decision this week came eight months after David Werking, 43, won a lawsuit against his parents.
He said they had no right to throw out his collection of films, magazines and other items. Werking had lived at their Grand Haven home for 10 months after a divorce before moving to Muncie, Indiana.
The judge followed the value set by an expert, MLive.com reported. Werking's parents also must pay $14,500 to their son's attorney.
After moving to Indiana, Werking learned that his possessions were missing.
"Frankly, David, I did you a big favor getting rid of all this stuff," his dad said in an email.
There's a lot to unpack here and so many questions.
First off, I think I speak for us all in saying R.I.P. to the porn collection.
There's a special nostalgic feel (no pun intended) that old nudie mags provide that today's digital porn will just never be able to equal. As the famous saying goes, "old porn just hits different".
Just ask the Beastie Boys.
Secondly, what kind of collection was David Werking (A+ porn fanatic name btw) working with here?
$30,000 worth of mags, videos, and toys? Do you realize how much money that is? If we're talking a car or a boat or somethingit's a decent, but not staggering, amount. But we're talking jerk-off material here. Just an outrageous amount of money spent on honing your craft David Werking.
How did they come to such a figure you ask? Well David Werking's counsel hired an expert of course.
MLive - Maloney said that a defense-hired expert in pornography valuation, Dr. Victoria Hartmann, determined the destroyed collection's value to be $30,441.54, the amount he ordered the defendants to pay.
Hartmann could not provide a value for 107 titles on the son's list.
"However, given the wide range of valuations for individual pieces and the inability of Dr. Hartmann to even estimate the value of these pieces, the Court declines to use an average value to award damages for these titles," Maloney wrote.
Thirdly, talk about "biting the hand that feeds you" huh?
David Werking valued the collection at $25,000 but asked the judge to triple damages for what his attorney, Miles Greengard, called the "wanton destruction of the property."
43-year old David goes through a divorce and moves back in with his folks. Probably left the house and everything in it with the old lady. But those 12 boxes that were always piled up in the corner of the garage? He made sure to take those with him. Turns out they were just a goldmine of pornography.
He had to have had a plethora of "one and done's", as well as some other super rare collector's items.
I'm guessing Mike Werking may have had one of these contraptions too made famous in the classic AVN video.
Thanksgiving should be extremely interesting at the Werking household this fall.
p.s. - have to throw it back to one of the greatest OG Barstool videos of all time. Mike Cooper, Library Masturbator