Standing sex always feels like the best idea in the world until you're awkwardly trying to thrust something into a hole that doesn't line up with your body. A lot of the time, it ends up being one of those "it seemed like a good idea at the time" kind of sexploits.
Well, push that notion aside, because standing sex is actually quite doable - as long as you know how to make the most of it. Ahead, some insight from sexperts on how to make standing sex easier, hotter, and overall amazing for you.
Keep in mind that if you're not feeling it, if something isn't pleasurable, or you're, you know, tired, you can always move to the bed, couch, wherever. Pressure and stress kill boners (of both the clit and penis persuasion) faster than anything else.
Here are some of the best standing sex positions guide to help you make the fantasy come to life, instead of dead on arrival.
What's the Appeal of Standing Sex, Anyway?
When we say "standing sex" we're usually referring to penetrative sex. The thing is, in order to be truly good at standing sex - and to enjoy it - the first step is to reframe your idea of "sex." Not all sex needs to be penetrative and, in fact, when it comes to standing sex, oral, hand-sex, or general dry-humping can be very pleasurable indeed. So throw out the notions that you need to be a rubber band, able to contort yourself onto the penis or dildo of someone who is (probably) not the same height as you and be open to doing other sexual things while standing.
"Remember, all these positions apply to oral sex as well. Don't be afraid to stop in between and give your partner the best of both worlds," says Julieta Chiaramonte, a sex blogger and sex toy expert. (Related: The Best Oral Sex Positions for Vulvas)
Really, standing sex is fun (and all things non-missionary on the bed) because we like novelty. It boils down to curiosity, trying new things, and keeping your sex life fresh. Plus, "standing sex makes sex doable in places it may otherwise not be possible," says Ryn Pfeuffer, sex and relationships writer and author of 101 Ways to Rock Online Dating (Buy It, $10, amazon.com). "Think: tight spaces like bathrooms, and if you're into public sex, pressed up against a car or tree."
Standing sex may not always be what you're in the mood for, but it's good to have it on your sexual menu - along with other fun things like chair sex and bathtub sex.
Standing Sex Positions to Try
How to do it: Standing face to face, have your partner hold one of your legs up and enter you astride. If keeping your leg straight is uncomfortable, bend it at the knee. This position lets you keep your balance during shallow penetration, and doesn't force your partner to hold your entire weight (a daring feat for anyone).
The perks: This position seems movie-like and looks quite acrobatic, but it's really not that hard to pull off. It's basically the OG standing sex position. It's ideal for adventures like outdoor sex. This is also a great position without penetration. You can rub up against each other, use your hands, and get that fire going (and blood flowing).
How to tweak it: To make up for height difference, utilize any steady ledges you have in your house. A staircase can do the trick. Just be sure your back is against the wall. The last thing you need is to fall over. "Try incorporating a vibrator into the mix like the Satisfyer Strong One Vibrating Cock Ring (Buy It, $40, amazon.com), which can lengthen performance time while providing clitoral stimulation," says Chiaramonte. (More here: How to Use a Cock Ring - Plus 8 Options to Try)
Standing Oral for Vulvas
How to do it: One partner stands, while the other kneels in front of them. The receiver can either spread their legs into a "V" shape, or place one foot on their partner's shoulder. This can take some adjusting, so be sure to take a little time to find what works for you.
The perks: This is a position that celebrates female dominance and sexuality. Plus, oral sex is a reliable way for most vulva owners to have an orgasm. Plus, Kenneth Play, an international educator and creator of the Sex Hacker Pro Series, points out that, "because many vulva-owners grow up masturbating with their legs straight, or even standing up in the shower, many women orgasm more easily with straight legs. This position replicates that, if she stands with legs straight and apart."
How to tweak it: If kneeling isn't comfortable for the giver, grab a pillow (maybe even a sex pillow) for some extra support. Grab two, even! If this is still not working for them, keep it standing. Bend at the waist. To simplify further, grab a chair and sit down to give oral.
The Edge of the Table
How to do it: "You sit on the counter or table and they stand. Having the support of a flat surface and being stable gives the thrusting partner straight penetrative access. Wrap your legs around their waist to pull them in close and hold on," explains Taylor Sparks, an erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven, one of the largest BIPOC-owned online intimacy shops.
The perks: "There are few things hotter than lying back on a table, spreading your legs with your vulva positioned right at the edge, and having a partner penetrate you, either with a penis or strap-on," says Pfeuffer. "This position works well when there is a height difference between partners. It's all sorts of sexy to be spread-eagle and exposed like this." This position also allows for super deep penetration - so, if that's your thing, you're going to love it.
How to tweak it: This position isn't just limited to tables. Any surface that allows your bodies to align will do perfectly. This position can also be great for oral. Sit in a chair and have your partner (the giver) kneel or sit in front of you. Make it your own, boo.
Just the Bathroom Sink
How to do it: The receiver stands facing the sink, using it for support. You can either stand straight or bend over the sink, whichever feels more comfortable. The giver then enters the receiver from behind.
The perks: Well, first of all, you get to watch yourselves in the bathroom mirror which is *chefs kiss.* Plus, it's great for impromptu public sexcapades. "[Your partner] can grab your hips, smack your ass, or reach around for your tits," says Pfeuffer.
How to tweak it: If this is not a possibility, skip penetration. This is a great sex position for oral sex, both for vulva-havers and penis-owners. Can't bend? Who says a handy with some sink support is off the table, pals? Have at it.
How to do it: The giver "takes their partner from behind, and has them anchor their arms against a wall," says Chiaramonte. They then should "bend [the receiver] forward and create a curve in their back." The giver should look like they're doing the "cat" yoga position - hence the name.
The perks: "Not only does this create an amazing back and shoulder stretch for the receiver, but it angles their pelvis perfectly for vaginal or anal penetration while standing up," explains Chiaramonte. "Think [about] doing this everywhere: The bedroom, the kitchen, your shower." There's plenty of versatility with this one. (Related: The Best Shower Sex Positions)
How to tweak it: The biggest issue people may have with this position is working with height differences. "Both partners can add some bend in the knee to get the right angle. Play with having your arms above your head, or directly on the sides of your chest, like the cobra pose in yoga," she adds. You can also bring in some toys (as you can with all sex), such as a wand vibrator such as Le Wand (Buy It, $170, lewandmassager.com), a clit toy such as Zumio (Buy It, $115, amazon.com) or Fin (Buy It, $85, dameproducts.com) or an anal plug. Toys always make everything more fun.
How to do it: Much like standing oral on a vulva, the receiver stands with their back against a wall (or other flat surface), while the giver kneels or sits (either on the floor or a chair) to give them oral sex.
The perks: "Kneeling in front of a standing penis-owning partner to give oral sex is one of my favorite dynamics and one that most definitely taps into my submissive tendencies," says Pfeuffer. "It's a super-hot exchange, which allows you to eye f*ck your partner" while they're down there. If you're into more intense play such as face f*cking, deep throating, etc., this position can help provide the perfect setup for those scenes. But don't get it twisted, this can also be a loving and intimate power exchange, if that's more your jam. (Related: The Beginner's Guide to BDSM)
How to tweak it: The standing partner can sit on the kitchen table or another surface, if they prefer not to stand. This position has all the appeal of standing sex, without actually having to stand. It can be a little tricky on the tailbone (hard surfaces, ouch), so try placing a pillow or folded towel under the receiver's butt for extra comfort.
How to do it: OK. So, this last position is for the advanced sexual adventurers amongst us - not necessarily in an acrobatic way, but in a financial way. Why? Because you need a sex swing. If this sounds too intense for you, don't worry about it.
"Sex swings can be used in a variety of positions, but give a great opportunity to angle your partner however you would like while penetrating or giving oral sex in a standing position," Chiaramonte says. Basically, the receiver sits in the swing (or lies over it) and the giver enters them or gives them oral sex.
The perks: The best reason to own a sex swing is for the verstility of them. The other is that they are hella erotic. Like, who doesn't want to be Samantha Jones in that one episode of Sex and The City where she gets after it in her lover's sex swing? Just be sure you're buying the right stuff. "While some sex swings can be complex, I prefer simple ones that are travel friendly and can be strapped against a door like Peepshow Toys Shots Door Swing (Buy It, $35, peepshowtoys.com)," says Chiaramonte. (Here's more on sex swings, how to use them, and how to pick one.)
How to tweak it: "The use of quality sex swings can make all the difference for people of different heights, ages or physical abilities," says Tiana GlittersaurusRex, a polyamorous educator and co-founder of The Sex Work Survival Guide, a non-profit organization advocating for the rights and safety of sex workers. The specifics are up to you. Have fun with it, get curious, and figure out what works best for your body.Gigi Engle is a certified sexologist, educator, and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @GigiEngle.