From eating ice cream cones to packing suitcases, people have interesting tricks for getting things done in their own unique ways. Despite what many cookie-cutter movie scenes may tell us, the same is true when it comes to our sex lives. As a certified sex educator and coach, I’ve found that the list of things people with vulvas enjoy during sex is varied and endless. I’ve also learned that many of these same people have pretty unique tried-and-true ways to orgasm.
But I also hear from a lot of people—especially people with vaginas—who have a hard time orgasming with a partner or even alone. That can be frustrating and isolating, and we don't talk about it enough. Part of that stigma and struggle might come from thinking you have to orgasm in one certain way, which is totally not the case. There are lots of different things that might be able to make you orgasm—you just have to find what works for you. So, here we talked to people who really have it figured out to learn the one thing that always makes them come. But, remember, if something works for one person and doesn't work for you, that in no way means you're broken or weird. It just means you're not them. Think of this list as some orgasm inspiration or some new tricks to try. And if none of this works for you, just remember that this is showing you a tiny slice of the ways-to-orgasm pie, and it’s perfectly OK if none of this is your jam. And hey, it's also OK if chasing the elusive orgasm isn't your thing at all. There are plenty of people who find immense pleasure in sex even if they rarely (or never) orgasm.
FYI, people responded in their own words, so the language below might be considered explicit by some (and is probably considered NSFW by most).1. Grinding on her knuckles
“My most surefire way to orgasm is the one it all began with: my original masturbation technique when I was a preteen. I lie face down and grind my knuckles into my vulva, moving my legs like I’m making a snow angel. I love the pressure and involving my thighs and quads before I orgasm. Though I can come in different ways, this one is always the fastest.” —Lola J., 302. Spanking and spreading
“I almost always come if I'm riding my partner on top and they're perched up just a bit to kiss me while I massage my clit against their pelvis. And then if they spank me and grab my ass to spread me open while I'm riding them, I'm done. Every damn time.” —Annie J.*, 253. Penetration, vibration, and ethical porn
“When I’m with my partner, I experience my strongest orgasms when I’m in doggy style position and have a wand vibrator on my clitoris or vulva. The vibrations supercharge my orgasms. When I’m flying solo, my go-to scenario includes a vibe on my clit and dildo for penetration. Oh, and I do enjoy adding ethical porn into the mix. I get really turned on when I see someone else authentically experiencing pleasure.” —Alicia S., 394. Wildly enthusiastic vaginal and anal oral
“When a partner enjoys eating pussy, it is my most favorite thing. They really get in there! I like it when they lick my asshole to my vagina and back, pause right in between, shake their head aggressively, and make some noise, almost like they’re drowning. I feel empowered and dominant during those times.” —Kella M., 295. Manual stimulation with guy-focused porn
“When I'mby myself, I usually use one of three techniques. One is just to rub my clitoral hood in counterclockwise circles with my right hand. The other is to do this while putting my left middle and ring fingers inside my vagina, pressing them upward, and keeping them still. (This technique is good if I'm in a rush because that extra hand sends me over the edge quickly!) The last is to put my right middle finger inside my vagina while I rub my clitoral hood back and forth with my thumb. Rarely, I will pull back the hood and touch my clitoris directly and very gently in a sort of up-and-down motion.
I'll usually do this while watching porn of blowjobs, handjobs, or male masturbation. Even though (or maybe because?) I'm all about women's sexual empowerment in real life, the partnered scenes that get me off most easily are those that convey a sense of the man's pleasure being paramount.” —Suzannah W., 286. Long, deep thrusts while in doggy style
“I am multi-orgasmic and enjoy getting off in a variety of ways, including having my breasts sucked and using my vibrator. But my absolute deepest orgasms are achieved with repeated long, deep thrusts from a very thick penis in the doggy style position. It rocks every part of me.” —Krys G., 357. Fantasizing about submitting to men from everyday life
“I fantasize about taking basic encounters with men I meet way, way further. Sometimes, the seed of one of those fantasies will plant itself in my mind when I’m with them, and I can feel myself start to get wet. As soon as I can manage to get some time alone with my Doxy vibrator, I really grind myself on it, thinking about how much I want to get off for the man in question and just make him feel amazing. I use my fingers to squeeze my nipples and think about submitting to him, giving every bit of myself to him—and then I orgasm as much as I can until I’m exhausted.” —Holly K., 308. Putting a vibrator on her nipples
“My nipples are a huge hot spot for me. I can come just from someone playing with them, so I really enjoy my partner licking and sucking them, but nothing gets me off better than a vibrator on my nipples. My partner will turn my Magic Wand up to full blast and gently touch my nipples with it, then pull away. She’s in control, so I just lie there and allow her to do whatever she wants. I orgasm pretty quickly from this. It’s super hot for both of us.” —Jasmine N.*, 299. A blindfold and whispers
“When my partner places a blindfold over my eyes, ties my wrists together, and whispers in my ear every way he’s going to use my body, I can orgasm before he even touches me.” —Sunny R., 52
Quotes have been edited and condensed for clarity. All products featured on SELF are independently selected by our editors. If you buy something through our retail links, we may earn an affiliate commission.
*Names have been changed.
Gigi Engle is a certified sex coach, educator, and writer living in Chicago. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @GigiEngle.
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